Boogers

Boogers. That’s right, boogers. As fine a bodily secretion as one is likely to run across.
They are the dried remains of mucus secreted by the membranes of the sinus and nasal cavities. The majority of these secretions drizzle down the back of your throat past the adenoids and tonsils into the stomach where they are digested and possibly even reconstituted and resecreted in a never ending cycle. But, those secretions with the temerity to venture down the windy passages of the nasal cavity to the nares will find themselves dehydrated. Petrified by the desiccating wind of breath. They build in layers like gummy little stalagmites until they become "BOOGERS"!
Here we come to a fact of life and bodily functions cloaked in mystery, embarrassment, and social denial denied even to sex. EVERYONE PICKS THEIR NOSE!
It’s the truth.
It’s a fact.
Anyone who denies picking their nose is a liar.
If you didn’t pick your nose, it would fill up with boogers and you would suffocate.
The trick is knowing when and where to pick your nose and where to dispose of the booger.
Where to pick your nose is fairly simple. Anywhere nobody can see you picking your nose. The driver’s seat of your car at a red light is not appropriate. Regardless of how isolated you feel, you’re still surrounded by windows in public.
Booger disposal can be a more difficult challenge.
Of course, the preferred method of disposal is the Kleenex. Although Kleenex would like you to believe sneeze control is their primary aspiration, we all know that most Kleenex are used for either booger or spooge disposal. If a Kleenex is not available, other convenient methods of booger disposal are: under the edge of your bed, wiping on the carpet of your friends car (That’s why Grandma always had those little packets of Kleenex in the glove compartment. Either that or Grandpa was a car jacker - ha ha, get it?), under the seat at a theatre, inside your pants pocket, the sole of your shoe, the back of some stranger on the subway, or waiting in line at Disney World (I love Disney World.), scratching a friends dog, etc.
Be creative.
The world is rife with possibilities.
Booger flicking is acceptable, but carries a greater risk of getting caught. Eating boogers although icky could be considered acceptable in some circumstances. It carries no health concerns. After all, they were headed for the stomach before they became boogers anyway. And, no, you can’t get worms from eating boogers.
Your mother lied to you.
She lied about a lot of things. (But, that’s for another post.)
I know a guy who has elevated the eating of boogers from an obsessive compulsion to a sybaritic act of gustatory satisfaction.
His name is Terry.
He’s a little retarded and has a lot of what they call "inappropriate behaviors".
He can stick his index finger up his nose to the second knuckle when he’s really rooting around in there. Then, he sucks down those nasal nuggets and schnoz oysters with a look of bliss on his face reminiscent of religious ecstasy.
Terry’s cool.