Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Filet-O-Fish


Today I would like to extol the virtues of the Filet-O-Fish Sandwich. I just got back from McDonald’s, and now have one of these piscine gems in my possession. I purchased meal combo #10 which consists of the aforementioned sandwich plus a small coke and a small fry for $3.98.
I don’t eat the fries. I give them to Terry, my retarded co-worker. He doesn’t have any teeth, so he has trouble with some sandwiches.
I eat far more fast food than I should, but I work in a place called "Petal" & the culinary options here are limited.
Back to the Filet-O-Fish. It starts with the soft warm steamed bun, steam slowly wafting from it’s sweet moist surface. Inside a perfectly symmetrical half inch thick slice of Cod (at least I think it’s cod, but who cares it’s yummy) lovingly battered, and coated with crumbs by a huge stainless steel Cod battering crumb coater, fried in the fry-o-lator, and laid like a voluptuous courtesan upon the couch of it’s bun, then coyly covering her nakedness as a sunny, orange slice of homogenized, and pasteurized American cheese food product is allowed to melt over the fish just before being cooled by a dollop of McDonald’s finest tartar sauce. Then the entire layered masterpiece is encased, not in a mere paper wrapper, but a genuine cardboard container so that the immaculate fit and finish of this gustatory delight will not be marred. 46% post consumer recycled content. Oh, the sybaritic joy of that first mouthful of fast food glory. The utter, near ejaculatory satisfaction of the last greasy little bite. Oh, Filet-O-Fish, my soul weeps for those unable to attain your flaky goodness.
I need a bi-carb.

8 Comments:

At 3:15 PM, Blogger Deb said...

Oh my dear Bert,

Don't you know that you're eating a heart attack on a bun? Yes, fish is good for you- but deep fried with loads of cheese and tartar sauce----hmmmmm----McDonald's is poison!

Now- once in a while it's okay.

Get this:

People are suing McDonald's. Why? Because they got fat!!! Can you believe this? They are blaming fast food chains for their weight problem.

Hell, I'm gonna start suing Grey Goose for my alcohol problem.

Let's all get sue happy and get rich!

Whaddya' think???

 
At 3:43 PM, Blogger Bert Ford said...

Lies, lies, LIES, Slanderous, Libelous, Damnable LIES!!!!
I don't know if I can bear to live in a world where a god would put this ambrosial delight with in my grasp, and then have it harm the flesh he formed me from!!! Lies
(chest racked by heartfelt sob)
I like Grey Goose, but usually if I'm gonna drink 'tater jiuce I prefer "Chopin" I like to shoot it like Tequila, but with a lemon wedge & sugar packet instead of salt & lime.

 
At 7:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't stand outside a McDonalds anymore without getting nauseous from the smell.

Walley, you're a madman. I'm still waiting for December's horrorscope, by the way.

 
At 11:48 AM, Blogger Deb said...

It's poison I tell ya! Poison! Be a vegan! ----wait...even I can't go there!

Drink the vodka like a man Bert! Come on! No lime juices, salt or sugar! Come out with me and I'll show ya how to grow some hair on your chest!

ARGH!!!!

(The real dyke is coming outa' me now)

 
At 10:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tater juice, not just vodka, and I don't think you can ever be a lesbian and a vegan. Lesbos tend to like the tuna. That reminds me...gotta go see Stan (the deadmans' a lesbo.)


G

 
At 10:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And I am rarely awake at 8:24am....not even close to that time today. Must be posting in Cali..

 
At 1:18 PM, Blogger Bert Ford said...

Be nice Greggy
I don't think deadman is a lesbo.
I think deadman checks the "other" box on that questionaire.

& Rhett I just put up December.

& Deb, I got all the hair on my chest I need.

 
At 6:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Greggy doesn't think the Deadman is a lesbo. Stan thinks the "Deadman is a lesbo." He tells her that all the time. The Deadman thinks it cool being that she's always been a homophile without the guts to actually try it.

 

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