Submarine Races

In the wee hours of this morning a Russian rescue submarine became entangled in a fishing net in over 600 ft. of water with less than 24 hours of air.
The Russkies had recently sold the Chinese a number of destroyers that were purpose built for destroying American aircraft carriers. The Russkies were engaging in war games with the Chi-coms to instruct them in the tactics for destroying American aircraft carriers with their new destroyers.
Russia has asked for America’s help in rescuing seven trapped mariners.
Of course, we will be glad to help. We’re Americans, it’s what we do. You’re a poor anti-capitalistic government, and you fuck-up - Don’t worry good ole Uncle Sam’ll clean up your mess.
But, this time, we keep the boat.
That’s right, we keep the submarine. Finders keepers, if you will. You lost the boat, we bring the boat up - we keep it!
They didn’t give back Gary Powers’ U2 did they? The Chinese didn’t give back our AWACS (I think that’s the designation) radar plane after their dumbass pilot knocked it down did they? Of course not.
So, we keep their sub.
Not only do we keep it, We’ll soup that bad boy up. Take out that piece-a-shit Russkie engine and drop in a 454. They got an adapter kit in the J. C. Whitney catalog.
Get a pair of 4 barrel Holley carbs, and a Edelbrock supercharger, an NO2 tank, dual glass packs on some Hooker headers, drop a tall cam in that bitch & get ‘er runnin’ like a scalded dawg! Giddy-up! We’ll put a christmas tree on the Washington Monument, slap a Penzoil sticker on the bumper, and drag race that motherfucker down the reflecting pool! Yeeeha, gigiddy, gigiddy!
Glasnost my ass.