Wednesday, November 09, 2005

The snobfest that wouldn't die!

When Coca-cola withdrew their sponsorship I thought it would die.
Die! Die! Die!
But, nooooo, Junior Miss lives.
At my job I have the dubious honor of preparing the souvenir booklets for several local Jr. Miss pageants. Yes, I said PAGEANT! Junior Miss has abolished that word from all of their literature because they don’t want people to think the pageant is a pageant. Now they call it a scholarship program. When you take a bunch of jail bait & parade it up and down on stage so the Judges can determine which chick will likely turn out to be the best wife/mom it’s a freaking pageant. At the local level they spend thousands of dollars on dresses, poise lessons, etc. in order to win a few hundred in scholarships from the pawn shop that provided the tiara, & the catfish shack, & the local Mary Kay lady.
They almost never pick the best looking girl ‘cause the judges don’t want people to think they were checking out the white satin wrapped asses. But, never mind about the hog show aspects of the pageant I posted about that back when Coke dropped ‘em.
When the folder came across my desk I said, "No, this can’t be."
But, it is.
Some local funding has been found so some of the local pageants can still go on.
The winners will not go on to county, regional, state, or national or whatever. They just get to be oggled by the local judges then it’s over. Satin dress back in the box, tiara on the mantle, chastity belt back in the sock drawer.
The point?
There is no point.
Except that some of the wealthier local parents are unable let go of the ceremony that allows them to prove that their daughters really are better than everybody else’s.
And, their sons will be able to say, "Yep, she’s a good one. Former Jr. Miss ya know." at the local chamber of commerce weenie roast.
"Gee, look at the great hog I raised!"

5 Comments:

At 4:35 PM, Blogger Deb said...

Hey Bert,

I always wondered what the judges 'really' went by- when they picked a winner. I mean, the talent shows are sometimes horrific, and the personality ~tests~ ---is it congeniality I'm looking for? What determines this? The fact that they want a better world? To not litter...? To save the planet??????????

What makes one better than the other? I never quite understood the whole concept.

Then you get into the areas of the pageant 'moms' who are like sports moms in a weird round-about way.

Do you think this is where the eating disorders stem from?

*scratches head*

I think it's way too much on a girl that age to enter something like that. That's just my opinion. Too much pressure to be beautiful, to be that Miss Personality who everyone loves.

Hmm. Very thought provoking post!

 
At 4:41 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

Ok, I confess.
I'm a voyeur.
No, not that kind.
I've sneaking here for quite some time and reading your posts, laughing my ass off and quitely sneaking away with you totally unaware. (sorry if the feelings of violation lead to intensive therapy) but the time has come to tell you that your blog is hysterical. Thanks for the laughs!

 
At 10:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

These contest girls are usually bad in bed, or so I have heard, one day I plan on getting laid. They are worried about how they look while doing it. If the world could just be a better place by allowing all girls to have a good sex life and not think about the proper 'o' face.

*scratches somthing*

They are not always that pretty with all that fucking makeup anyway.

Maybe they should try cheerleading for a professional football team.

 
At 10:45 AM, Blogger Bert Ford said...

Deb Most of the ex-pageant chicks I know eat valiums & prozac like M&Ms. After they turn thirty & start packin' the pounds they all look like they're contemplating opening a vein.

And I completely forgot about the make-up thing. (thanks Greggy)
I dated a pageant chick when I was in high school (my libido has no moral compass what-so-ever)
She actually carried toothpicks in her purse in case she had to scratch her face. I shit you not. She actually poked a toothpick through her makeup at the spot she had an itch & wiggled it to scratch w/out messing up her face.
And you're right greg, they are no good in bed. She had this whole don't mess up my hair thing. Do you know how difficult it is to get a nut while trying not to mess up a chick's do?
(not very hard really I'm just exagerating for effect here)

 
At 4:26 PM, Blogger Deb said...

Hmmm....beauty girls on meds? I guess all the frustration of being pressured to look perfect makes them feel a bit rebellious...

 

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